Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Series on Sexuality and Gender

Trying to get a lot of people together of different gender identitys and sexualitys to write about how their gender links with their sexuality.
So far have a couple of people signed up. Id like Dirt to do one too but doubt she will.

Heres mine.

From my early teens I always felt attracted to women. But the way I was attracted to women never seemed to link up with how women were attracted to men. Or how lesbians were attracted to other women.
This is going to get me murdered Id say but Ill explain it as best I can.

When I came out to one of my friends. She wasnt suprised whatsoever. She wasnt suprised because of the way I saw women for example my msn tagline at the time was "GIRLS BEACH VOLLEYBALL IS THE BEST SPORT EVER". I had spent two hours watching the sport that night and this is why I liked it. To signal to the girls behind them what moves they were going to do, they did hand signals... on their arses. Which meant close ups of hot womens arses. In Tight bikini bottoms. It was wonderful.

Another way my male gender identity links with that is something ive always done since I lost my virginity to a 17 year old girl in a bunkbed at 13. I play the numbers game. For a long time I measured my worth on how many women Id slept with and I became a master manipulator of women. Promised them anything I could to get them to sleep with me. Once Id slept with most of them, Id never talk to them again. I made  up fake names, fake lifestories, dabbled in the truth. As the game got too easy I failed on purpose at the beginning to see if I could reel them back in. When that got too easy, I started going through friend groups. Id sleep with the head of the group and then work my way through the entire group by starting arguements and making the girls under the head girl annoyed at her so they'd sleep with me in revenge. I created an elaborate system made up of five catagories with different gameplans for each catagorie. There was also sub catagories of women who crossed into two. The hardest being the Tzm catagory (does what you do, is aware of what your doing) and the Loi (is so desperate to be loved, they will do anything). I never identified as a lesbian and always felt somewhat undercover when describing myself as so or being with groups of lesbians.

Another example of this is my immediate reaction to any girls who tells me theyre getting dressed in anyway. By text or msn or on the phone. My immediate reaction is PICS? I really dont know any lesbian who thinks like that.

My numbers are now so embarrassingly high, I dont tell anyone except my ex girlfriend. Who is intrinsically jealous at my successes. The thing with me is that although Im well spoken and educated. Can argue a point. I am under this skin of mine, an apsolute man slut. I love women and I love womens bodies and I love sleeping with women. Do I respect women though? Maybe now I do but even now I feel somewhat more intelligent than most of them due to the fact I can manipulate them so easily. Maybe thats practise, maybe its not.

Now as Ive said before Im bisexual. Very recently came out as this. I have a very rare sexual attraction to some men. The last being Tii, who I connected with. I have his virginity. Which Im quite proud of but in a different way than I am with girls who I have the virginity of. Im grateful to him and Im happy he trusted me enough to give me that. With girls I see giving me their virginity as some sort of weakness.  I like men but I dont think I could ever have a long term relationship with one of them. I see them more as mates I also sleep with and I think I occasionally confuse a good friend as someone Im sexually attracted to.

Anyway in short Im bisexual, I like both men and women unequally. I am a Man and I see things from that perspective I do believe.

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